Ranel told us to go and wait on E3’s tour bus. Josie, Kay and I walked outside the venue where we got stuck into a huge crowd of other emblems. It was so hard to get to their tour bus without being stuck in the crowd. Eventually Ranel came through the crowd and made sure that we got onto the bus quickly. A lot of emblems saw and were shouting and questioning us as to why we were allowed on it. I didn’t like all the staring we were getting.
"This feels weird," Kay said as we opened the bus door.
We all looked at it in awe. The tour bus was amazing! It was so huge from the inside. There was a few black couches and a fridge with cupboards above them, I assume that’s where they put all their protein bars and stuff. They had a little table near a window where I assume they may sit and eat on for dinner.
We also saw a lot of things piled in a corner of the bus. There was a big pile of skateboards and long boards and a few surf boards were hanging on a rack behind one of the black couches. We walked on and we found their little bunk beds. A couple of them had the curtain open so we could see and guess whose they were. We saw one bunk bed whose curtain was open and we saw a laptop and a t shirt that had a cat on it.
"Keaton’s bunk" Kay said laughing a little. You could always trust Keats to have something with a cat on it whatever it may be.
We looked at another bunk and Josie opened the curtain a little bit so that we could have a guess as to whose it was. The bed was undone and there were a couple of fitness magazines and a few dog tags lying on the bed.
"I’m guessing that this bunk belongs to Wes," I said looking at it. Jesus Wes, you should really do your bed, it’s not hygienic. We looked around more and we found another bunk whose curtain was close so we pulled it back to see whose it was. The bed was done and there were different bracelets laying on top of the pillow next to The Bhagavad Gita. Yup…It had to be Drew’s.
"Drew’s," we all said together and ended up laughing. We sat on one of the couches at the back and got comfortable and started talking about the concert and what happened.
"Okay so you and Drew at the meet and greet. Care to explain? I mean his hands were literally all over you. Like the way he looked at you was like he needed you. If he could he would’ve ripped off all your clothes and do you right there." Josie said and I snorted.
"Okay for one thing, I don’t know what happened at the meet and greet. He had his hands near my bum and started leaning in so I moved away cos my beating was a little e-"
"Yeah exactly, and then he pulled me back in and said don’t be scared I’m not gonna kiss you if you aren’t ready for it. And then he brushed his nose against mine and the picture was taken. I don’t think he wanted to do me right there. Why me when he could pick a bagajillion other girls in the room?"
”Umm why not?! He obviously likes you a lot. Why don’t you see that?” Kay said staring at me dead in the eye.
"Because, I just…Well I’ve always been told that I should stay away from people like Drew because they could just end up using me. I know I’ve never had a boyfriend before, but still. I’m not saying that Drew is like that it’s just I get mixed emotions and I start contemplating stuff that’s all. Plus there’s so many pretty emblems out there, so it gets me wondering."
"Okay hold on a sec, nothing has even happened between them. Like it’s not like he has asked her to go out on a date or something. But if he does say yes, Menx. Ooh and tell him that you can sing!!" Kay said taking off her shoes and getting completely comfortable on the couch. I snorted again at my friends’ weird ideas.
"Yeah but what I’m saying is that I think something will blossom between the two of them. Kayle can’t you see it? He is literally smitten by her. Did you see the way he was staring at her while we were waiting in the Meet and Greet queue?" Josie said scrolling through her instagram.
I was just about to reply and say that she was being ridiculous when we heard the bus door open and heard yelling coming from the front of the bus. We were sitting at the very end of the bus where all the bunk beds were and waited for the boys to come and say hello. We saw Wes and Keats come in, Wes had lifted Keats up in the air and threatened to playfully throw him onto the floor. Drew followed in next, looking nervous for some reason.
"Look Keaty cat, we have new friends," Wes said in a baby accent and Keats whacked him on the head.
The boys sat down on the couch next to us. Wes sat next to Josie, Keaton sat next to Kay and Drew sat opposite me on a different couch. I ended up sitting in between Keaton and Wes since Drew didn’t want to sit near me. I felt a bit hurt. Oh my God, did he hear what I said? He couldn’t have could he? I did say I dont’t think he’s like that. Oh my God now he hates me, I thought.
"So guys, we were wondering if you guys wanna hang out with us tonight? It’s a way to get to know you guys and we haven’t had dinner so we were gonna go to a restaurant and have some, but we didn’t have any dates…" Wes said putting his arm around Josie.
"Yeah I think that’s a good idea," Kay said speaking up since Josie was in shock and I was in my own world wondering what was wrong with Drew.
He had been so quiet and hadn’t said a word, to anyone at all. I looked over at him and gave him a half smile and he returned it with a cheesy grin. I laughed out loud and everyone looked at me including Drew who started laughing too.
"So should we get going? It’s already 8:30, by the time we actually get the food on the table it’ll be 9pm.” Drew said standing up. He was wearing jeans, a white v neck and a beanie. He grabbed his jacket and threw Wes and Keats their jackets. We all agreed and got up to get our jackets. While I was putting mine on, I noticed Drew looking at me from the corner of my eye.
I finished putting my jacket on and I turned around and bumped into him.
"Shit, sorry I didn’t mean to bump into you I-"
"It’s fine Menka, it was my fault. So are you ready for dinner?" I nodded forgetting how to say yes in the moment. "Good, so let’s go for dinner." He smiled and he held out his hand for me to grab. I took it, grabbed my purse and we walked out of the bus hand in hand, following the others.
Drew: *POSSIBLY TRIGGERING BE CAREFUL*
So much to tell you and most of all goodbye. But I know that you can’t hear me any more. It’s so loud inside my head with words that I should have said. And as I drown in my regrets I can’t take back the words I never said. I never said I can’t take back the words I never said.
It was never meant to get to this point. I didn’t mean to let it get so out of my control. But now it’s controlling me. I don’t breathe, feel, cry or bleed without it’s command. I have no choice in the life I’m living. The pain is getting unbearable. It’s too loud all around me but I’m completely alone. Drew has tried so hard to help me through this, he has stood by my side and done everything in his power to help me but after a while I became beyond help. He is still by my side but that doesn’t mean I’m any less alone.
The choice came to me a few weeks ago after hearing Drew on the phone to someone saying he missed who I used to be and how he doesn’t know how much more he can handle. I love him and I won’t put him through my hell anymore. I put a letter on my table feeling good about the choice. I situate the chair just right making sure things are held tight all the way to the end. I step up with my heart pounding and ringing in my ears. As I close my eyes the peace is relieving knowing my freedom and Drew’s freedom is just seconds away. I wiggled myself in and with no second thought removed the chair to feel all the air and life slowly escaping my aching heart.
I get home that evening and find police cars and an ambulance. Y/BFF/N’s sitting in the back of the ambulance crying uncontrollably. “Hey what’s going on?” I ask as I squat down to look her in the eyes. “What happened? Where is Y/N?”
“I showed up to talk to Y/N and…oh my god…” She says breaking down into sobs again.
“Excuse me but this is my home what’s going on?” I ask an officer near by.
“Are you Drew Chadwick?” He asks before looking up at me.
“Yes. What is going on?”
“There was an incident and Ms. Y/L/N has died.” There is a pounding that starts in my ears as the world around me swirls. Something felt off today. She was too at peace and had a genuine smile about her. She kissed me before I left for the studio and…sobs start to break from my chest as I’m moved to the stairs in front of the apartment. My body shakes as a paramedic comes to make sure I’ll come back stable from this.
She rubs the back of my hand and whispers softly, “I am so sorry. I know that doesn’t bring her back.”
“Was there anything left behind? Does anyone know why?” I say staring at my shaking hands.
“The officers have a few of her possessions and it’s very possible a letter could be there. I know that doesn’t always help and doesn’t always say why but it is a start. I’ll go ask for you.”
I’m still working at getting my bearings and finding any air to breathe when she comes back over setting her hand on my shoulder. She places a plastic bag in my lap and walks away. I see a white envelope with my name written perfectly across the front. I slip my finger in the small lift and tear across. I hold my breath as I read the words in front of me.
“Drew, I hope you know I didn’t do this to hurt you. I did it to set you and I free. You don’t need to be around to babysit me and it’s not fair that I trapped you with my problems. I love you and always will. I know there are so many words that I want to say but can’t get them to fit right on here for you. I know you have so many questions but stop asking, stop wandering. I’m ok. I’m free. I wish there would be not regrets from you and I know I’m leaving with many. But just know you never did anything in my world to make this worse. You were the strength that kept me going for as long as I did. I will forever be grateful for that. There is so much more I need to say but words won’t help how you are feeling. All I hope is you didn’t find me that way, that you are able to remember me as the happy person I was the morning you left. I love you Drew and thank you for every little thing you did for me. You’ll be a great person and you’ll change more lives. Someone out there will be able to love you in ways I never could. Goodbye Drew, take care. Love Y/N”
The letter slips from my fingers as the right pocket of my jacket feels like it weighs hundreds of pounds. I should’ve done it weeks ago, I shouldn’t have waited. She would still be here if I only showed her how much I loved her. If I had only said what I needed to. I’ll never be able to take back the words I never said. She never got the chance to hear any of them.
Always in a rush never stay on the phone long enough. Why am I so self-important? Said I’d see you soon, but that was, oh, maybe a year ago. Didn’t know time was of the essence. So many questions, but I’m talking to myself. I know that you can’t hear me any more.
"Hey beautiful." His voice sings through to me over the phone.
"Hey how are you?"
“I’m missing you. I can’t wait to be home in a week. And be able to talk about that thing.”
My heart pounds like it does every time he brings it up. Keaton proposed before he left on tour. I love him but I couldn’t say yes. It took me months to say I loved him back after he said it the first time. “Um yeah I really miss you too. But I’ve got some stuff I need to go finish so I’ll talk to you later. Love you. Bye.” I hang up not giving him a chance to say another word but I sit actually confused as to why I didn’t let him at least say he loved me back. When did I disconnect myself from him? When did I get so worried about myself to not think of him? I’m never straight forward with him, I find it overly hard to tell him I love. What is wrong with me? I need to talk to him, explain what is going on. He needs to hear these questions but I can’t open up to him like I used to. During my self contemplation my phone starts ringing again. I swallow hard answering it softly, “Hello.”
“I really wanted to look past this and just deal with us when I got home. But honestly what the hell has gotten into you? You’ve changed so much over the last year it’s like you don’t even exist anymore.”
“Keaton I’m sorry. I was just thinking about that and trying to figure it out. I don’t know what is going on.”
“You are so full of shit. If you don’t want to be with me just fucking say it. Don’t lead me on and treat me like your lap dog. I love you and if you can’t love me back let me go.”
“I don’t want that. I-“
“Of course you don’t because you’re so selfish. You know you told me at the beginning of the tour you said you’d come out and see me. Tour is almost over and I haven’t seen you once. I’ve seen my sister in law more than I’ve seen you. And she’s pregnant still making an effort to see Wes.”
“I’m sorry ok. I’m sorry. Is that what you want to hear?”
“No I want to hear you fight, I want to hear your need for me.”
“I’m scared ok. I’m scared. Loving you is confusing me. I don’t let emotions in, I take care of myself and never worry about anyone else. But here I am worrying about your every move. It is confusing as hell! I love you but each huge fucking leap is too much. I have enough problems with myself that I am scared you will leave me later on when you realize how fucked up I am.”
"Not talking to me and not communicating with me is only going to push me away and make it so I do leave you."
My voices lowers as I softly say, “I’m scared you will be like the other ones. I am absolutely terrified that you will stop hearing me and for a while I felt that you actually had. I was scared I was stuck right here by myself again.”
"You are never by yourself but you need to start making an effort for me. You need to show me that this isn’t all one sided."
"I’m trying Keaton I am really trying! What do you want me to do? Do you want me to jump in the car and drive three hours into Vegas to be by your side the rest of the tour? Do you want me to show up with a wedding dress and just marry you tomorrow? Because I will if that mean you will be happy. I am willing to do it all it is just frightening as fuck. But please just tell me what you want from me, I don’t want you to leave."
The longer I stand here the louder the silence. I know that you’re gone but sometimes I swear that I hear your voice when the wind blows. So I talk to the shadows hoping you might be listening ‘cos I want you to know.
The grass is still wet from the light bit of rain the night before, but I can’t seem to stand. My legs don’t have the strength to support me anymore. I sit waiting for this to become all a dream. That you will walk out here and tell me I am crazy for staring at a mound of dirt. But the longer I wait the more crazy I actually feel. A small breeze blows over my arms making bumps rise along them. As it drifts through the surrounding trees its like they are trying to pass a message along to me. Like you will be coming back I just have to wait a little longer. I stare off to the trees and whisper them a small message to take back to you, “Please don’t forget me, never stop loving me. I will love you as long as you ask me. Just hurry back. I can’t do this alone.” A tear slides down my cheek knowing he’s gone and won’t actually hear that.
The night of the accident was my fault. I just can’t admit that to anyone except myself. The weather has been terrible lately. So much rain. It was cold I remember feeling the chills over my body. We had fought, I was being stubborn and he was trying to be understanding. It wasn’t working for either of us. God if I had just listened and given in. I can still smell the fresh rain on the grass around me. He had sent me a text asking where I was. I told him waiting. He knew. He knew me so well just off that word. His car carefully came around the corner but that didn’t stop the semi driver from going carefully. Slammed right into the driver’s side. And within a heartbeat Wesley was gone. No questions asked, no unnecessary waiting. Just gone.
My heart thuds making me come back to the peace surrounding me. It was the loudest peace I had ever taken part in. I shiver hearing the whisper through the trees again. My head snaps up at the warmth of his voice. It was like he was standing just over my shoulder. I swear I heard him talk to me, I know I heard his voice. I know I heard him tell me he loved me again. My heart doesn’t pound like it used to. After the accident I swore I could hear him everywhere. I knew he was nearby. After a while my heart couldn’t hold the hope anymore.
As the breeze blows around me, shadows start to dance like they have a story to tell. “I love you Wesley. I am so sorry I wasn’t able to protect you. You only wanted what was best for us and I was too scared to admit you were right. I will hold onto you forever. I love you so much.” I pull myself to my knees and before standing up I brush my hand against the flower covered, fresh pile of dirt. “I miss you so much already.” I stand up looking down one more time at the only man who ever cared enough to come after me and never keep me waiting.
"Hi beautiful" I said as I hugged her tight for the third time that night.
"Hi Drew," she said quietly whispering in my ear. She made me shiver when she said my name. That has never happened to me before. And her accent was just…wow.
I pulled away from her but held her close to me. My hands were resting on her waist while hers were still around my neck from when she hugged me. I stared at her again, wondering how someone as beautiful as her could fall into the arms of mine. She gave me a shy grin and took her hands off my neck. She looked down to the ground and bit her lip. That had really turned me on I had to look away.
She looked back up to me and was about to say something when I stupidly butted in.
"I never got your name, beautiful,"
"Menka" she said smiling at me.
Just then Ranel called us to look at the camera and take the photo. The two of us looked at Wes and Keats who were hugging or either kissing Menka’s friends cheeks.
I looked at her and I pulled her into me and snaked my arms around her waist, near her lower back and she again put her arms around my neck. I leaned in so that our faces were extremely close, so close that you couldn’t even put a piece of paper through the two of us. My nose brushed hers lightly and she looked at me with her hazel eyes.
The closer I got the more her breathing became eratic and she slowly started to pull away. I pulled her back in again before whispering. “Don’t look scared beautiful. I’m not gonna kiss you if you aren’t ready for it. I just needed to get closer to you. Do you mind?” I said and she looked at me and shook her head. I smiled at her and the picture was taken.
For a while we just stood there admiring each others features until I heard Wes cough. I looked up and saw Menka’s friends, Wes and Keats staring at us. Menka obviously got embarrassed so she pulled herself away from me and stood near her friends.
"Thanks for the picture, Drew" she said playing with her hair.
"I should say thanks to you. Actually, what are you guys doing after the meet and greet?" i asked
"Nothing we were gonna go home after, why?" Kay stated nudging Menka and whispering something in her ear.
"Well you guys can hang with us since we have nothing to do and we think you guys are really interesting," Wes said playing with his snapback and winking at Josie.
"Urmm, yeah okay sure we would love to hang out with you guys. Where should we wait for you?" Kay said hugging Keats again.
"I’ll let Ranel know you’re gonna stay with us for a while and then he’ll tell you where to wait. Is that okay?" Keats said walking towards Ranel. The three girls nodded and I looked over at Menka and winked at her. She laughed and walked to where Ranel had told them to go.
I watched her as she walked over and waited for us. My heart was beating fast and my mind was going crazy. All I could see in my mind was her, all I could hear in my head was her saying my name.
Shit I had it for her so bad. I am in love with her. I know I haven’t spoken to her much or had such a big conversation with her but she’s different, a good different. Is it possible to fall in love with someone so quickly? I think so, I mean it’s happening to me and I’ve never experienced anything like this before not with any girl I’ve dated in the past.
I need to get to know her more. I wanna spend hours talking to her about herself and life and anything else. My mum always told me that when you’ve met the right girl, your heart will know. Everything in your body will know and will urge you to make them yours and you will fight to be with them and you’ll protect them.
She told me that every little thing that the girl does will set you off and you’ll find yourself falling more and more in love with her everyday. My mum told me that if she’s the right one you’ll need to cherish her well and love her the way she deserves to be loved. I know already that Menka is the one, I just hope and pray to God that she feels the same way about me…
It’ll get better I promise… I’m quite crap at writing stories :/
Thursday. Glad you liked it. Menka did amazing!
"Are you ready yet?" Josie, my friend yelled from her bedroom. I was just applying mascara on my eyes. I quickly finished that and applied eye liner, foundation, pink blush, pink eyeshadow and some of my berry chapstick.
"Nearly, I have to look nice and in order to do that I have to take extra time on my makeup!" I yelled back combing my straight dark brown hair. I sighed as I wasn’t happy with my appearance but I didn’t have time to redo myself again. I quickly put in my hazel contact lenses and gave myself one last look.
We were going to see Emblem3 in concert and I was freaking out. I wanted to look nice because all the emblems look amazing when they go to their concerts and I especially wanted Drew to notice me. I’m on holiday in the US right now for a couple of months and happen to have two really good emblem friends who are taking me to the concert.
"Alright I’m all done let’s go," I said walking into the bedroom and grabbing my purse and putting my small perfume, money and chapstick in it. We walked outside and got into the car and drove to the venue.
"Why are you breathing weirdly?" Kay asked me, turning around from the passengers seat.
"I don’t know, I feel overdressed," I said looking down at what I was wearing. Skinny ripped jeans, a white tank top and a black leather jacket.
"Don’t freak out. I’m sure you’ll catch Drew’s attention with those hazel contact lenses!" She said as we pulled into the venue parking lot. I laughed weakly and got out of the car.
~During the concert: Still Menka’s POV~
We were having such a good time! The crowd was insane and we were all screaming and yelling all the lyrics to the songs that saved us. At one point I thought that Drew was staring at me as he sang but it turns he was singing to some other girl behind me. It’s awkward when that happens.
I was having the time of my life. I even got to hold Keats’ hand which made me almost cry!! They were right in the middle of singing 3000 Miles, when Drew came off the stage and walked into the crowd. I swear I could have died. He started to walk near me, Kay and Josie and I started to feel light headed. Was this really happening? Was the Drew Chadwick really walking up to me? I didn’t know if I was dreaming or not so I decided to pinch myself. Nope, It’s all real and happening.
He walked up to me and started singing to me. His crystal blue eyes burned into mine as he sang with so much passion and love. He held my hand while he was singing and I glanced over to Kay and Josie who had whipped out their phones to take pictures and videos. Then he pulled me into him for a hug and I started to shake. I probably looked so stupid but I mean who wouldn’t be shocked if Drew Chadwick pulled them in for a hug?
He hugged me tight almost as if he didn’t want to let me go and wanted to protect me from the rest of the world. After some time, we parted and the song had ended. He took the mic away from his mouth and smiled at me while Wes was talking about something on stage. Drew then pulled me in for another hug before parting again to go on stage.
"You’re beautiful" He said, whispering in my ear and lightly kissing my cheek before running back on the stage. I stood there shocked and held the cheek that he kissed. I looked over at Kay and Josie who were jumping up and down squealing while i was still processing the whole thing.
Soon, sadly the show ended but we had the meet and greet next. I was more nervous for this than for anything else. While in the queue some emblems came up to me and asked me what it was like to have Drew stare and sing to you but others gave me really dirty looks.
"Don’t worry about them. They’re just jealous. I think Drew has a thing for you. The way he stared at you when he held your hand and the way he went back on stage and stayed near where we were indicates that he likes you." Josie said showing me the pictures of Drew and I that she took. I smiled and looked over at Drew now. He and Wes were pretend wrestling with each other. I laughed as I looked at the two of them acting like children and Keats not wanting to stand anywhere near them.
Drew and Wes stopped and waited for the next girls to take their picture. While they waited I couldn’t help but think I am so close to Emblem3. I looked back at them again and Drew caught me staring and waved at me. I did a small wave back and he laughed. It felt good inside that I made Drew Chadwick laugh…
It was nearly our turn and I was freaking out. I don’t know what I would say to them at all. I don’t even think that I would be able to even squeeze in a hi. Oh my god why am I freaking out so much? I need to calm down.
"I’m excited. I’m going to ask Wes if he’ll kiss my cheek. He looks so hot today!" Josie said jumping up and down.
Kay and I looked at her and laughed. I looked back at the boys who were ready to take the next picture when I caught Drew staring at me. I looked at him and he quickly looked down and fiddled with his bracelets.
I smiled to myself. I probably looked stupid but oh well. Stuff like this doesn’t happen everyday. We got closer to the boys and my heart was racing faster and faster. Calm down Menka. Don’t get so worked up its only a photo. But what if something happens between me and Drew? Am I ready for it? Does he really like me? Or is he just playing with me?
I had to snap out of my own world. For God sakes he probably flirts with all the girls at the concerts so it’s not something to get excited about. Suddenly with all the thinking I was doing, I hadn’t noticed that it was our turn to take the pictures with the boys. We were ushered towards them by a security guard of theirs. Breathe in and out. My hearts racing so fast. Okay, calm down its just a picture. Nothing is going to happen between me and Drew. Stop wishing so hard.
We walked to them and hugged them all tight. Wes was literally squishing me to death while Keats was hugging Kay. I hugged Keats as he was next and he kissed my cheek. Could this day get any better?? Then I went to Drew who welcomed me with open arms. I breathed and exhaled deeply before hugging him again for the third time that night.
"Hi beautiful," he said
Okay so that was the first chapter, it probably wasn’t that good but I’m trying to build it all up. Hopefully the second chapter will be much better and we’ll see more of Menka and Drew actually having a proper convo with each other and whether his feelings match hers.
Namaste & Blessed be
Hello my loves. I have several big announcements to make. Ok so maybe like 2 but anyways. Menka has written a fantastic fanfic and it will start being posted….TOMORROW!! And also I finally feel like I know where I am going with my 3 so those should start next week, I just want to make sure it all feels right. So yay big stuff happening! Thank you to everyone who has stayed with us through my time of denial and writer’s block. Means a lot. I love you all!
Thanks you sweets!
I hope you all know how amazing you made my birthday. You are all so incredible and I just love you all so much! My day was great and I got to spend it with my family which was awesome. But getting on here and seeing all your sweet messages made it go through the roof amazing. Thank you all so much for being here with me through these last 18 months and I promise I will get back to work at writing for you all and giving you everything I have to offer. EMBLEMS ARE THE FUCKING BEST!!!!
Thank you, means so much you have no idea. I will keep reaching way beyond the stars.
Thank you :) You guys are the freaking best!
I like that! :D I’ll make sure it’s the best for all the right reasons. So far it’s been great and I’m hoping it stays that way haha
I had to work this morning but after it’s been super relaxing. Almost time for cake too 😏
Is a wish for E3 to do a private show too much or unrealistic haha. I’ve got everything I need so my wish will be extreme and I’ll see what I get out of it ;)